Queen Victoria’s journal: The death of Princess Feodora of Leiningen, 23rd-25th September 1874

On 23rd September 1872, Princess Feodora of Leiningen, half-sister of Queen Victoria, died aged 64 at Baden-Württemberg, southwestern Germany.

23rd September:

“Can I write it? My own darling, only sister, my dear excellent, noble Feodore is no more! She is at rest & in peace since 2 this morning. What a fearful loss! Darling precious sister, whom I hoped so to go & see! The kind Empress Augusta telegraphed the news to me in a most feeling manner, & I got the telegram just after I came back from Abergeldie, where I had gone to see the preparations for Bertie’s welcome. This was to have been & is still a day of rejoicing for all the good Balmoral people, on account of dear Bertie’s first return after his illness, & I am here in sorrow & grief, unable to join in the welcome. God’s will be done, but the loss to me is too dreadful! I stand so alone now, no near & dear one nearer my own age, or older, to whom I could look up to, left! All, all gone! How good & wise, beloved Feodore was, so devoted to me, so truly pious & religions. She is gone to that world she was so fit for & entered it, just sleeping away. What a blessed end! but what a loss to those who are left! She was my last near relative on an equality with me, the last link with my childhood & youth. My dear children so kind & affectionate, but no one can really help me. Wrote a few lines with a trembling hand to the kind Empress. None of dear Feodore’s children were there, as the end came so very suddenly. It is an agony to me to be so far away. In the midst of all this, the contrast of all the preparations for Bertie’s reception, which everyone was going to, excepting me. He & Alix rode up Glen Tilt from Blair. Sent him a letter. Heard that all had gone off well many people at Abergeldie, & speeches. — Dined alone with Beatrice upstairs & went to dear Leopold afterwards. Endless telegrams from all sides.”

24th September:

“Had a fair night, but a dreadful waking when the sad truth burst upon me again. Saw my darling sister constantly before me & the last look I got of her, looking out of the window, as I walked down. I can never forget any little detail of that last visit to Baden. How I remember when I was sitting with her on her sofa in her dear little room, the day before I left, her bursting out crying saying bitterly: “It is too terrible to me that you are going away tomorrow, for I think I shall never see you again.” Oh! how dreadfully this has come true, but I cheered her up by telling her I could come at any time, & she evidently got over the feeling by what she said in her letters, though she felt the separation deeply. — Went out for a little with Beatrice. Very showery & the afternoon even worse. — Heard that poor Herman & Ada had arrived. — Bertie & Alix came to see me at 3 & remained some time, both very tired. — Took a short drive in the Balloch Bhui with Beatrice & Jane C. — Two letters from the Doctor arrived, the one written on the 19th showing how little he apprehended any very imminent danger & the other, giving a very detailed account of dear Feodore’s illness & condition. Since I was at Baden, Sir Wm Jenner had confided to that beloved Feodore was suffering from a similar complaint to our dear Mama, which however might cause little trouble or suffering for years. What my anxiety was no one knew & hardly dearest Feodore herself. She was to have had an operation, & the very day she was to have gone away for it, a dreadful gastric attack with fever came on, from which she never recovered. — Dined again upstairs alone with Beatrice & then went to Leopold. — Telegrams arriving every moment & overwhelmed with all I have to do, added to my crushing grief. —”

25th September:

“A dreadful blowy rainy day. Did not get out in the morning & had much to write. — Saw Mr Goschen, as he was leaving. — Received a most touching letter from the Empress Augusta, giving an account of the last day & of the previous ones. Many a tear did I shed in reading it. What a blessing that she still sent me a last greeting! No doubt we must be thankful that God released her from all her sufferings & that she is happy now, but I cannot bear to think, of those sad suffering, lonely weeks, with much depression. There is no doubt that the great sorrow about Feo did dearest Feodore much harm, & she never recovered from it. Those who knew her dreaded serious results from it. How beautiful that she simply slept away & talked of Feo. Surely at the approach of death the veil is raised & such pure spirits are allowed to see a glimpse of those dear ones waiting for them! — Alix came before 4, & drove with Beatrice & me to the Garravalt, & we got out & walked up to the Falls, which were beautiful. Then took Alix back to Abergeldie. — Resting & writing, My mind & heart entirely occupied with beloved Feodore. — Had a letter from Sir William Jenner, who said that the gastric attack coming upon her very weakened health told upon the defective action of the heart, & this proved the real ultimate cause of her death, which was what we always feared. The last sad ceremony is, according to her directions, to be at Baden on the 27th. — Dinner as the last 2 nights. —”

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